Most people will agree also that falling in love, finding love, is getting more and more difficult – with most people preferring to go for physical relationships of sex without emotions.
What this means is that staying in a relationship for long is almost a dream.
A few days of sex and seeming love end in bitterness and you’re in the love market again.
This is why, even when the relationship seems perfect, there are some things you must never do for that person — at least not until you’re wedded or there’s a binding document in place.
Love is about giving in and giving up a few things, but…
Don’t change your personality. Now, they say you should change for the one you love. Yes, that is true. But when the changing comes from you alone and it seems like you’re being re-manufactured, then something is wrong. No man or woman should attempt to change you entirely, unless you really have bad habits. Aside this, in the event that you’re separated, the hurt will be worsened by the fact you won’t recognise yourself. You’ll be nothing without that person. A person who loves you must accept the real you.
Don’t abandon your dreams: This is another one you should be careful about. Two people in love ca exist without killing each other’s dreams. It is a good thing for both of you to alter your careers and dreams to accommodate each other. But there is a limit. A true lover would aid your dream, ask you to abandon it. Work out a middle way. If you lose your dream for a relationship that is not yet solid, marriage especially, sorry will be your consolation when it ends.
Don’t abandon your friends and family. Hmmm, it really is sad that some people let love kill their relationships with kith and kin that they had before meeting their lover. They do not realise that friends are the only thing you can fall back to when you hit life’s road bumps. If a lover makes it a case to break your link to friends and family, please exit. They should find a way to accommodate your friends. If you lose your friends to that relationship, what happens if it ends?
Don’t set up businesses or share details of official information. Many people think it is love to expose their entire business plans and financial information to a supposed lover. But this is dangerous. A lot of people ‘love’ just to deceive and maybe swindle. If they have access to sensitive official details, like ATM card pins, internet bank passwords, property document details, etc, you are exposed to danger!
Don’t become a donor agency. Lovers should help each other, morally and financially. However, don’t be saddled to a leech, a tick who only feeds off you. You’re not a bank account or donor agency to anyone. As you give, make sure it’s reasonable, and for genuine needs. A lover who always returns for more is a gold-digger, a fraud that you don’t need. Small money gifts are cool, but should not become the norm and basis of love.
Don’t give unofficial loans, bad personal investments. Loans are relationship killers. If a lover wants huge sums of money from you, be wise and make it legal. At worst, make sure the money is deposited to his/her bank account, to leave a trail that can be used to retrieve it in case you guys fight. To withdraw N200,000 and give to your lover in cash as a loan is not wise. Instead, transfer via bank and write ‘loan’. If the money is big a signed IOU might be necessary. Also avoid foolish investments like setting up businesses or funding projects without legal documents. This may look rigid, but many people have killed ex-lovers because they could not retrieve their ‘investments’.
Don’t give unfettered access to private emails and social media accounts. In these modern times, social media accounts are very sensitive. It should be as personal as possible. Making it a public affair for a transient lover is bad, bad and bad. Imagine the damage they could do if you break up? He or she could for example lock you out of your own account or even send out compromising messages through your account.
Don’t reveal compromising information or damaging materials. When we fall in love, there is the temptation to talk too much, way too much than we need to. There should a lot of discussion between people in a relationship. But some things should never be said to some people who are not yet fully committed to a relationship. Sharing intimate secrets will put you up for future attacks. Ex-lovers are fond of sharing demining information, like nudes or private talks.
Love doesn’t hold back, it is spontaneous, it is forgiving and every other good thing.
But it pays to be cautious, especially when there is no formal commitment from so-called lover.
To be in love is to love with wisdom and caution…